Tuesday 16 July 2013

AAMI Park's leaky roof

Author's note: I was hoping to steer this blog away from letters of complaint for a while.  I can actually be quite understanding!  If I go around to a friend's place for a dinner of slow-cooked beef stew, but arrive to find out that the beef has only been stewing for about ten minutes, I say to my friend who is unable to differentiate between a microwave and a slow cooker: "don't stress about it, let's just get take-away".

But companies are another matter.  Following Woolworths' excellent customer service response to the "Chickengate" saga, I thought the below complaint would be met with a grovelling apology that would provide me with some much-needed winter cheer.

Instead, I was met with the oldest trick in the book—total silence.  My (unanswered) correspondence is reproduced below.

---

Dear AAMI Park management

When I was growing up, my Mum bought me a VHS tape of old Donald Duck cartoons.  In vintage Disney style, these cartoons featured Donald getting into all sorts of amusing predicaments—for example, "Donald's Tire Trouble" depicted D. Duck's futile attempt to change multiple flat tyres after driving down an unsealed road.  Sadly, many of the finer points of pneumatic tyre comedy were lost on my eight-year-old self, having only driven dodgem cars at that stage in life.  


Instead, my favourite Donald Duck cartoon on the VHS tape was "Drip Dippy Donald" (please watch this short excerpt before continuing)—a true classic, equally enjoyable by eight- and eighty-year olds.  This brilliant cartoon generates laughs for all ages from a simple premise: a dripping tap makes it impossible for Donald to get to sleep.

I would always laugh, perhaps cruelly, at Donald's drip-fuelled misery, being lucky enough to grow up in a house with sound plumbing and attentive parents.  And even after I had grown up and moved out of the family home, I would still chuckle at memories of that old cartoon, having never been afflicted by drips in the night (at least as far as faucets were concerned).

I had no sympathy.  I didn't understand.

Until now.   


Or, more specifically, until Tuesday 25 June, when I went to AAMI Park to watch the Melbourne Rebels take on the British Lions.

As I made my way to Seat 258, Row F, Aisle 36, Level 1, I noticed the floor beneath the seat was quite damp.  "Odd", I thought, "it hasn't rained recently".  Never mind though—no sooner than I had sat down, the rugby began!

Because of the excitement around the stadium, I barely noticed what I thought was my neighbour spilling a few drops of his drink on my right leg.  About a minute later—plop!—it happened again.  "Not to worry", I thought, "accidents happen".  But, less than 30 seconds later—plop!—I felt a cold splash once again.  My patience had run dry.  Turning toward my neighbour and commencing to politely inform him that it might be best for him to store his beverage at ground level, I only got as far as "if you don't mind, old sport..." before I realised—he did not have a drink at all. 

What he did have, however, was a very damp left leg.

In an effort to distract myself from the increasing awkwardness setting in between us, I drew my delicious mid-strength beer toward my mouth.  If I could not have answers, I could at least have froth.  But barely had my lower jaw begun to unhinge itself when a cold, silver dart dropped down from the sky and—plop!—landed directly in my drink.

My gaze shot up into the cold winter air.  It was a cloudless night.  Glimmering amongst the black sky, another silver dart was falling, radiant in the glow of the stadium's light towers.  Plop!  This one just missed my leg, and instead struck my bag on the floor.  I looked up once again to see—plop! (this one hit my neighbour somewhere around the kneecap)—that a steady stream of cold drips were falling somewhere from the underside of the roof. 

As this roof was very very high, and I was sitting very very much near ground level—plop! (right thigh, mine)—it took a great amount of consistent staring to follow the trail of drips upwards through the air to their source.  This took a while, because if I broke my gaze—plop! (top of head, his)—in order to see where the drops landed and defend accordingly, I would lose the trail of drips.  Not only did I wish to avoid getting wet—plop! (this was mostly unsuccesful)—but there was also the small matter of a rugby match going on right in front of me that I had paid to watch; by nature I find paid sporting events much more interesting to watch than a slow stream of dripping water, with the possible exception of women's tennis.


Eventually I traced the drips to their source—plop-plop! (at times the wind would change and split the drips into two separate warheads, striking both myself and my neighbour with pinpoint Rumsfeld-esque accuracy)—a cylindrical duct attached to the overhanging edge of the stadium roof.  It appeared—plop-chuckle-chuckle-chuckle (by now most people in the vicinity were much more entertained by my own version of "Drip Dippy Donald" than the rugby)—that there was a leak in one of the ducts, causing a new drip to appear every ten seconds or so.

Fuelled by the particularly peevish kind of frustration that only comes through wearing wet denim, I resolved—plop! (back on the right leg again)—to write to AAMI Park to chronicle my ordeal.  While drafting up this letter, I had a look at the AAMI Park website, which is gushing in its praise of the stadium's roof.  One passage states that the roof "has been skinned in a triangular panelised façade that is made up of a combination of glass, metal and louvers, as well as potential for photovoltaic cells and rainwater collection [that] allows the stadium to 'breathe'." 

After reading this piffle, I am wondering: did one of your architects take the "breathing" stadium idea a bit too seriously, and decide to accurately depict the spit and sputum discharged from a breathing individual's mouth and/or nose during wintertime?  Does AAMI Park have the sniffles?

I would have written to you sooner, but—plop! (I realise that this "plop" is out of place seeing as I am no longer recounting the events of the night when your stadium's nose dripped on me all night, regardless, I have decided to leave the "plop" in as an artistic touch, in order to remind you that your stadium still leaks despite significant negative media coverage about the stadium's ill-constructed roof on its opening night over three years ago)—ahem, I would have written to you sooner but since being constantly dripped upon a fortnight ago, I have been beset by a strange desire to commit unscrupulous acts, change my name, flee to France and enlist in the Foreign Legion.  My doctor thinks it's Legionnaires' Disease.

Kind—plop!—regards,

Dave

NB: Given that I am impartial to rugby on the best of days (which this was not), the only real positive to come out of this experience was the admirable job my complimentary Herald Sun did of shielding my leg and bag from further innundation.  Bravo, Herald Sun, for actually preventing the spread of sloppy filth for the first time in your history.

48 comments:

  1. Are you literally fed up of the dripping taps and leaky faucets? Well, we help carrying out all such plumbing repairs in the wide spread areas of Johannesburg. You can contact us online if you want to get in touch with us at anytime.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I remember watching this when I was little. I loved it then as much as I love it now. Would make a great Holiday movie for my grandkids to love! 8mm Video to DVD transfer

    ReplyDelete
  3. I read this article. I think You put a lot of effort to create this article. I appreciate your work.
    Research Paper Writing Services

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yet many individuals are least bothered about the cleanliness and safety of the gutters as they do not bother much. guttering repair services london

    ReplyDelete
  5. If you have not inspected your roof at regular intervals, you will require frequent repairs as you will not be able to stop a small issue turning into a big and costly repair job.Watsonville roofer

    ReplyDelete
  6. Duck's futile attempt to change multiple flat tyres after driving down an unsealed road.www.omconstructionhtx.com/roofing-services/

    ReplyDelete
  7. Design or dimensional shingles are the most mainstream. They make more intrigue and frequently mirror the look of other roofing materials, for example, slate or tile. Check Out This Tutorial

    ReplyDelete
  8. Innovative Commercial Construction has 20 years of experience in roof renovation and restoration services, paint and waterproofing and roof design services.roofing services

    ReplyDelete
  9. Speaking about the slopes, there are requirements that must be considered include the roofer.
    navigate here

    ReplyDelete
  10. The initial phase in this sort of rooftop reclamation work is weight cleaning of the whole surface to be reestablished. Next comes re-bedding and edge top expulsion. Roof Restoration Blog

    ReplyDelete
  11. Need Roof repairing service ? Maciej contact to them they will help you in every condition of your roof :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Is it justified, despite all the trouble to lose appendage or life just to spare a little measure of cash?
    find out here

    ReplyDelete
  13. With regular maintenance on residential and commercial roof repair can be minimized ensuring that the home or office is protected at all times.commercial roofing Toronto

    ReplyDelete
  14. Flashing is usually thin sheets of aluminum or galvanized steel. Many professional roofers will fashion their own from sheet metal. Roof Repairs Kansas City

    ReplyDelete
  15. There are a number of plays of food show. This show is the greater podcast that can be watched at YouTube also. You would also like to listen about the Company where I do job which provides best creative writer India which can make your show more popular. roofing companies in raleigh nc

    ReplyDelete
  16. This article is an appealing wealth of informative data that is interesting and well-written. I commend your hard work on this and thank you for this information. You’ve got what it takes to get attention. Seamless Gutters Raleigh

    ReplyDelete
  17. Your wood rooftop deck is equivalent to a cars metal body. It is introduced over the essential house edge to give a surface zone on which to introduce Shingles. Roofers Kansas City

    ReplyDelete
  18. Extremely pleasant article, I appreciated perusing your post, exceptionally decent share, I need to twit this to my adherents. Much appreciated!.  Seamless gutter contractors

    ReplyDelete
  19. Cool stuff you have and you keep overhaul every one of us. Roofing Lilburn

    ReplyDelete
  20. That is why selling advertising campaigns marketing so that you could invaluable explore previous advertisment. Quite simply to jot down stronger set that fit this description. Seamless gutters

    ReplyDelete
  21. Pretty good I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon. Big thanks for the useful info. Roof Restoration Sydney

    ReplyDelete
  22. The information you have posted is very useful. The sites you have referred was good. Thanks for sharing. Lilburn Roofer

    ReplyDelete
  23. We usually think of calling a roofing contractor when we notice a leak in the ceiling or some missing tiles, but they can also be hired to provide many other services.Roofing Contractors Sudbury

    ReplyDelete
  24. What type of roofing services company you use to put your new roof on your house depends on the type of roof you decide to go with.GE, KitchenAid, Dacor, Viking, Wolf, KitchenAid, Ovens Repair in Los Angeles

    ReplyDelete
  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  27. The primary item on a roof replacement estimate is the actual roofing material. The estimate roofer red bank nj will list the manufacturer and type of shingles the contractor intends to use. It will also show the style of shingle.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Mistakes in roof repairs or installations will lead to the necessity of replacing the system again, superior roofing thus the need to spend more cash. Additional expenses can be avoided by hiring a reliable roofing company.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Of course, the price alone, high or low, is not the only criteria in making a decision as to whether or not you should hire any particular roofing contractor. Roofing companies in Detroit

    ReplyDelete
  30. While changing over an attic there are various construction law issues, for example, safe leave systems and satisfactory access structure the lower levels. A modeler will be acquainted with these issues and can help prevent you from committing expensive errors en route. Attic windows

    ReplyDelete
  31. A manufacturer's coverage will typically cover the cost of replacing the materials, houses for sale in caledon not the labor to do so. They also do not cover replacing the entire roof, just repairing or replacing the defective areas.

    ReplyDelete
  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Next, it is important to get good references. Many roofing companies can come up with a good estimate, but you want to make sure that their estimates are accurate and that they get the work done in the amount of time they indicate in their proposal. pearland roofing

    ReplyDelete
  34. Due to the measure of water going through that region of a roof, it is essential to consider how the territory will be secured when supplanting a black-top shingle roof. roof repair

    ReplyDelete
  35. Numerous mortgage holders have found out about metal roofing previously, however have almost no thought regarding what are the decisions and alternatives accessible to them. Roofing Toronto

    ReplyDelete
  36. There are various strategies for shingling the territory with dimensional black-top roofing material. roof repair high park

    ReplyDelete
  37. In the event that an unattractive roof (parasite or mold stains or greenery development) is the thing that is making you think you need another roof,Pittsburgh Roofers

    ReplyDelete
  38. Be certain and contact the Better Business Bureau and guarantee that the roofing project worker has an A+ rating! It is significant to work with a roofer who is focused on client assistance and treating clients decently! roofing replacement

    ReplyDelete
  39. Flat roofs with a slope less than 2.5 degrees are arranged by means of fusion-bonded reel-fed materials or polymeric membranes. Roof Works in Jackson Township

    ReplyDelete
  40. At last you are ready to install the style of metal roof that you have selected. Hopefully by now you have studied the installation instructions and looked over all of the details that apply to your particular roof. roofing company

    ReplyDelete
  41. However, installing a metal is a difficult task. Therefore, people having little or no experience suffer in installing this particular. So, if you want to install metal, you must hire professional and experienced roofing installation contractors. roofer edmond

    ReplyDelete
  42. Are they cutting-edge on current codes and building prerequisites
    duluth roofing contractors

    ReplyDelete
  43. The old roofing material is appropriately discarded. Larger part of material project workers will cover everything from eliminating the old material, supplanting it and discarding the old material. https://nailershub.com/staplers/upholstery-staplers/cadex-sp50-5b-carton-closure-pliers-accepts-staples-1-4-inch-and-5-8-inch-in-length/

    ReplyDelete
  44. Do you have space decking that should be re-decked
    Will they be utilizing genuine starter strip and edge cap
    Do they supplant all line jacks and roof frill
    Will they be eliminating the current shingles and beginning with a spotless roof deck
    ARE THEY MEMBERS OF THE BBB WITH A SOLID RATING. AWS Roofing

    ReplyDelete
  45. Do you know what can be the effects of not cleaning your gutter? Clogged gutters can mess up with the water drainage and wreak havoc in various ways. gutter cleaner st. charles

    ReplyDelete
  46. For example, assuming you are keen on introducing a metal shake tile roof, inquire as to whether they have really introduced a metal shake tile roof and in addition to a metal roof. Roofing frameworks chttps://www.westseattlewindowcleaner.com/how-pressure-washing-seattle-can-benefit-your-home
    an be totally different in their readiness and establishment prerequisites.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Makers are continually growing new underlayment innovation. More up to date manufactured underlayment further expands the adequacy, ease and wellbeing to introduce and increments life span. Roofing Contractor near me

    ReplyDelete
  48. يمكنك تحميل لعبة جاتا 5  بسهولة من خلال موقعنا تحميل العاب الكمبيوتر  و يمكنك أيضا تحميل لعبة جاتا   و الدخول في عالم الجريمة و القتال .

    ReplyDelete